25 January 2017 @ 11:54 am
Selcouth Appetency  

title: selcouth appetency
rating: pg13
length: 4.4k
genre: reaper au, angst, slice of life, romance, hurt/comfort
pairing(s): chanyeol/baekhyun
description: baekhyun's not ready to move on, and chanyeol isn't ready to let go.
warning(s): implied self-harm, implied abuse, character death
a/n: written for the debut round of nohappyendingff fest (2016)

It’s happening again.

He doesn’t know how he’s managed to get into this predicament, but the only thing he does know is that he needs to run; to get away. He shoots a look over his shoulder only to see his pursuer gaining on him, and picks up his speed, running blindly forward. The muscles in his legs are starting to burn from overuse and he finds himself having a hard time pulling air into his lungs. But still, he continues to move forward; because stopping is definitely not an option.

How long has he been running now? How many minutes? How many miles?

It feels like it’s been a long while, like his fight for flight has been going on for days.

‘Where is he?’ He continues to look around as he runs, searching for a familiar face in the suffocating darkness. Panic starts setting in when he reaches the end of the alleyway. He spins around, moving his head from left to right as he looks down his two paths. Making a split-second decision, he sprints to the right, pushing himself off of the wall to gain momentum. He’s not sure why he chooses the darker path; chooses to move away from the more lighted path rather than towards it. His gut tells him it’s a good decision though, and he’d always been one to trust his gut.

Another glance back confirms that the person chasing him, whoever it is – whatever it is – is still hounding.

He turns left down the next alley and stops short, his eyes widening as his throat closes up. How did he get there? Wasn’t the man behind him just now? He finds himself unable to move as the hooded figure advances on him, and watches in horror as the man reaches into his pocket.

‘Is this it?’ he thinks as he once again tries to move, but is still unable to. His feet seem to be stuck, like there is something holding him there, trapping him. He swears he can feel the cold touch of hands around his ankles; but when he looks down, there is nothing there. ‘Is this how I–”



The call of his name breaks him from his frozen trance. He turns, and he runs. He runs for all his life is worth towards the lone figure at the end of the alleyway, basked in a soft glow.


Chanyeol, help me!’

He trips and feels the pain of the gravel scraping across his bare knees through the rip in his jeans, and then looks over his shoulder and forces himself to move when he realizes the distance between himself and the hooded man is getting shorter. Pushing himself up, he runs with everything he has towards his beacon.


He jolts up and throws a hand over his chest. His breathing comes out in small, short gasps as he looks frantically around. Dark. Warm. He’s in a bed, he realizes, when he feels the firmness of the spring mattress underneath him and the fleece blanket covering his lower half. The light that illuminates the room from the doorway reminds him that he’s in a room. Their room.

He jumps when a hand lands on his shoulder, afraid that his pursuer has followed him into reality; but he leans into the touch when the hand reaches lower to rub comforting circles on his back. “Chanyeol.”

“Another dream?”

He nods slightly, almost chuckling at Chanyeol’s use of the word. Dream. If only it were that. No, what he’s been experiencing for the past few nights is not a dream; it’s a nightmare. One so horribly haunting that it’s crept even into his consciousness, not giving him even a moment of respite.

“It’s okay,” Chanyeol’s low, calming voice calls out to him, “I’m here.”

The light from the bathroom casts upon Chanyeol’s right side, keeping most of him hidden in the dark. Even through the darkness, though, Baekhyun can see the lines of worry on Chanyeol’s face as he observes the boy before him. The creases on Chanyeol’s forehead seem to deepen the longer Baekhyun remains quiet. “Y-Yeah…” he whispers, running a hand over his face. He feels Chanyeol pulling the covers up, feels the movement to his right as the bed dips even lower, and then feels Chanyeol wrapping his arms around him as he pulls the both of them back to lie down. He forces himself to relax, to forget about the hooded man that even now, seems to have followed him from his nightmare. He melts himself into Chanyeol and wraps his arms around the other’s waist, seeking the warmth and comfort. He feels Chanyeol’s fingers running through his hair, relaxing him further still.

“Sleep,” Chanyeol whispers against his forehead, his lips brushing across his skin.

Baekhyun closes his eyes, and sleeps.

* * *

He wakes up the next morning to the feeling of warmth on his cheek, and light that’s too bright burning against his eyelids. Groaning, Baekhyun’s eyes peek open as he stretches his arms above his head. It takes him a moment to notice that the space beside him is cold. Empty.


No response.

Baekhyun swings his legs over the edge of the bed and pushes himself up, padding his way over to the bathroom – also empty. ‘He’ll be back…’ he tells himself as he returns to the bed and makes it.

Then, he climbs onto it and leans against the headboard, and he waits.

Exactly seven minutes later, Chanyeol returns. He’s balancing a paper bag on his arm and holds two Styrofoam cups in one hand; in the other, he holds the keys to their motel room. “I got breakfast.”

Baekhyun nods and climbs off the bed, making his way over to the small, round table by the window. He sits on one of the chairs and watches as Chanyeol pulls out two bagels, cream cheese, butter, and a few packets of jelly. Baekhyun looks down at the cup of coffee Chanyeol has placed in front of him, watching as the steam rises and then disappears from the hot liquid.

Chanyeol grabs one of the bagels, twists it apart, and spreads a generous amount of cream cheese onto one of the bagel halves. He then sits back in the chair and takes a bite, and then reaches into the pocket of his jacket to pull out a folded piece of notebook paper. His eyes scan the words on the paper. He nods, and then folds it back up and puts it away.

“What’s on today’s agenda?” Baekhyun asks.

Chanyeol swallows and then looks across the table at Baekhyun. He smiles.

“It’s a surprise.”

* * *

The drive to wherever it is Chanyeol decided they are going takes nine hours, and by the time they roll up to the desolate parking lot, Baekhyun is stiff, sore, and more than eager to jump out of the car and stretch his aching limbs.

“The beach?” he asks, stretching his arms as he cocks his head at Chanyeol from his side of the car.

Chanyeol nods. “The view here is amazing.” He points upwards and grins. Baekhyun finds himself mimicking Chanyeol’s expression when he looks up in awe at the picturesque sky, where the traces of stars begin to peek through. He hears Chanyeol rummaging around in the trunk, and then feels Chanyeol’s fingers intertwining into his. Baekhyun squeezes Chanyeol’s hands lightly as he allows the man to lead him down the path towards the beachfront.

He helps Chanyeol lay out the blanket, and then takes his spot right next to him, reclining so that he’s resting on his forearms. The soft breeze of summer brushes across Baekhyun’s face. He breathes in the salty scent lingering in the air, and shivers slightly when another wind carries the cold from the sea across his body. He turns and smiles when he feels the sudden warmth of Chanyeol’s jacket covering his shoulders.

“This is amazing…”

Chanyeol nods, and reclines. “See that star right there?” He points towards Baekhyun’s right, towards the bright, blue-white star twinkling in the sky. “That’s Vega. Vega and the stars around her,” he traces a parallelogram with his finger, “makes up the constellation Lyra.”

Baekhyun nods. “She’s beautiful.”

“It’s sad how sometimes the most beautiful things have the most tragic outcomes,” Chanyeol says softly, eyes glancing over at Baekhyun for a moment before he turns back to the sky.

Baekhyun turns to face Chanyeol. “Vega, you mean?”

“Vega was a celestial princess who fell in love with a mortal,” Chanyeol explains. “Her father didn’t approve of their love, so he placed them in the sky and kept them separated by the Celestial River.”

“Forbidden love…” Baekhyun looks down at his hands and frown. “But they’re still able to meet.”

Chanyeol nods. “On the seventh night of the seventh moon, every year.”


Chanyeol nods again. “It seems our lovers were able to meet tonight, after all.” When Baekhyun turns and gives him a questioning look, Chanyeol holds out his hand, palm side up. “No rain.”

He smiles.

They spend the rest of the night talking about the stars; and come morning, when he wakes up in Chanyeol’s warm embrace, Baekhyun realizes that he didn’t dream.

* * *

Their next destination takes longer to get to – two days of driving, with Baekhyun filling in for Chanyeol whenever the other was too tired to drive, before they reach the bottom of the mountain. Their hike up takes about half the day, and by the time they finally reach their mark, the sun has already begun to set.

Baekhyun shrugs his knapsack off his back, walks towards the edge, and looks down. “Whoa…” he whispers as his eyes widen in amazement at the waterfall on the side of the mountain, and the water below them. Way below them. He swallows and turns back towards Chanyeol, who has collected Baekhyun’s bag and places it next to his own by one of the trees. “I-I’m not sure this is such a good idea anymore…” Baekhyun says, averting his eyes by looking at his feet. The cliff they’d picked wasn’t the highest, but even this height was a feat considering his acrophobia. Baekhyun can feel his heart hammering against his chest, threatening to break out of its cavity as he takes a few steps backwards. He can already feel himself breaking out in cold sweat. “Maybe we shouldn’t–”

“You wanted this.”

Baekhyun nods. “I did…but–”

‘But thinking about looking over that edge again, nevertheless jumping down it, makes me want to fucking vomit.’

“Nuh uh. Nope, you’re not backing out now,” Chanyeol cuts him off again. However, Chanyeol can see the way Baekhyun’s body begins to tremble, and the way he worries at his bottom lip in fear. Chanyeol’s arms wrap around his body, trying to relax him. “Don’t be scared, I’ll be right beside you.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun whispers after a while. “You’re right. I did, no…I do want this.” He nods up at Chanyeol and then wraps his arms tightly around the taller male’s waist. “I-Is this okay?”

“Don’t think about how high up you are,” Chanyeol says instead of answering, “just think about me.” Chanyeol brings his hand up to cup Baekhyun’s cheek lightly. He pauses, as if debating something, and then leans down to brush his lips ever so slightly against Baekhyun’s own. “Focus on me, and you’ll be fine.” He pulls back and then smirks, tugging at the bottom of Baekhyun’s t-shirt. “How about we kill two birds with one stone, yeah? Off this goes.” Baekhyun watches as Chanyeol begins to pull up his shirt, and gasps as Chanyeol’s cold hands brush against his skin. He raises his arms when instructed, and then stares down at his shirt that now lies, discarded, on the ground.

For a moment, he is confused; but then he glances towards the edge of the cliff and remembers the water below. ‘Oh.’

“My turn,” he says bravely as he tugs at the buttons on Chanyeol’s shirt. His fingers work to carefully unbutton each of the buttons, and then reaches up to slide the material from Chanyeol’s shoulders. Chanyeol’s black button-up joins Baekhyun’s t-shirt on the ground. They each unzip and rid themselves of their pants, and then their boxers. Baekhyun’s hands instinctively move to cover his front and his head turns to look away in embarrassment. He notices Chanyeol’s gaze traveling downwards; notices the way Chanyeol’s mouth seems to curl into a frown as he stops at Baekhyun’s arms. Ashamed, Baekhyun moves to turn away, but Chanyeol doesn’t allow his attention to waver when he gently turns Baekhyun’s face back towards him.

“Don’t hide yourself,” Chanyeol whispers, but in the silence that surrounds them, his words are loud and clear. “Don’t hide from me.” He reaches down and takes one of Baekhyun’s hands in his own while his other hand caresses the side of Baekhyun’s face. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re so beautiful?”

Baekhyun blushes. He reaches his free hand up to cover the one Chanyeol has on his cheek, his eyes resting shortly on the raised marks on his wrist, and he smiles. “You’re the first to ever say that.”

Chanyeol feels the pang in his heart as he leans down to kiss him softly. “I’ll say it every day, then.” He kisses him again. “I’ll keep reminding you until you believe it.” And again. “If I could say it until they see it, too…” Another kiss. “For as long as I’m able.”

Baekhyun doesn’t realize he’s let the tears escape until he feels Chanyeol’s thumb reach across his cheek to wipe them away. “You’re so, so beautiful, Byun Baekhyun. And I’m so sorry you couldn’t see that.”

Baekhyun beams up at Chanyeol; and for the first time in a long time, he feels happy.

They walk hand in hand towards the edge of the cliff; and as they both take the step over and plummet down towards the water, Baekhyun screams.

His head breaks through the surface and he gasps for air. For a split second, he panics because there is no firm grip on his hand. Chanyeol is gone. He wants to cry when he frantically looks around and still does not see Chanyeol’s raven-black head of hair anywhere.

“Oh God…no.

When Chanyeol resurfaces somewhere behind him, Baekhyun lets out a cry of relief. He treads his way over towards Chanyeol, who is looking at Baekhyun’s teary eyes with concern.

“Are you hurt?”

Baekhyun doesn’t answer. He uses all of his energy to swim towards Chanyeol.

“I thought something happened to you!” he cries when he finally reaches him, and he throws his arms around Chanyeol’s neck as he allows himself to break down. “This was all my stupid idea! A-And when you didn’t come up, I thought…” A choked sob escapes him. “Oh god, Chanyeol, don’t scare me like that, please!”

Chanyeol tightens his lips into a straight line and holds a trembling Baekhyun in his arms.

That night, Baekhyun tosses and turns in his sleeping bag. It’s the same nightmare; except this time, the man chasing him almost catches him.

This time, no one calls his name.

* * *

They spend most of the next day looking for a bike shop. When they finally do find one, Baekhyun is like a kid in a candy shop as he looks around the shop at the many different types of bicycles hanging on the walls and displayed on the floor. He waits anxiously as Chanyeol finishes up the paperwork, and his eyes light up as he watches Chanyeol come towards him pushing along a bike.

“Ready?” Chanyeol asks. Baekhyun nods excitedly.

They walk outside as Baekhyun holds the door open so that Chanyeol can push the bike through. Chanyeol puts a helmet on Baekhyun’s head and secures it tightly, and then helps him mount the bike. He walks him through the basics, shows him how to brake, again, and then takes his spot behind him with both of his hands on the bike’s seat. Baekhyun can feel the ghost of Chanyeol’s fingers brushing across his bum.

“Please don’t let go,” Baekhyun whispers as he tightens his death grip on the handlebars.

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “I won’t.”


He hears Chanyeol’s amused chuckle behind him. “Yeah, yeah. I promise I won’t let go until you tell me to.”

Baekhyun nods, and then pushes his foot off the ground and places it on the pedal. The bike sways, just a bit, and he screams and almost cries before he realizes that he’s not falling. He pushes the pedal down with his left foot, and then his right. The sound of Chanyeol’s shoes thumping against the gravel echoes in his ears, and he can hear Chanyeol panting slightly as he transitions from a walk to a jog when Baekhyun picks up speed. He swallows, and then yells, “Let go!”

Chanyeol doesn’t let go. “Are you sure?” he asks. Baekhyun swears he can hear a hint of uncertainty behind his tone.

“I’m ready, Chanyeol. Let go!” He cycles the pedals and laughs as he picks up speed. A quick look over his shoulder confirms that Chanyeol has, indeed, given up his hold on the bike. The taller male is now standing, somewhat awkwardly, in the middle of the road. Baekhyun tilts the handles to the left and makes to turn back; he let’s out a triumphant “WHOOP!” when he does so successfully without falling over. “Look at me, Chanyeol. I’m doing it!” He rides around in circles and laughs the entire time.

Chanyeol finds himself chuckling along with him.

That night, Baekhyun dreams of riding bikes with Chanyeol. They’re laughing, and racing, and having the time of their lives; that is, until the rain clouds start to form and paint the streets in darkness.

Chanyeol is no longer there, and Baekhyun is, once again, running for his life.

* * *

“I never took you for a horror movie person,” Chanyeol says, tossing Baekhyun a bag of Skittles.

“I’m not,” Baekhyun replies, smiling sheepishly. “Not really…at least. I can’t watch them by myself because that’s too scary, and I’ve never had anyone to watch them with me.” Chanyeol hums and fishes the bottle of Cola from the plastic shopping bag to hand to Baekhyun. “What kind of movies do you like?”

Chanyeol doesn’t get the chance to answer as the movie begins to roll on the screen. Instead, he adjusts himself in his seat and reclines, staring up at the car’s ceiling while Baekhyun keeps his eyes glued to the screen outside of their car. Baekhyun lets out a squeak of horror when the spooky music begins to play, and Chanyeol scoffs every time Baekhyun jumps in his seat. He rolls his eyes as the blanket that had originally only covered the brunet’s legs gradually moves upwards bit by bit until it’s up to his nose, and shakes his head every time Baekhyun mutters under his breath, warning the characters to “not go in there.”

The Skittles go flying all over the car when the killer finally appears, and Chanyeol growls when he finds his arm an unwilling hostage to Baekhyun’s tight grip. Baekhyun is whimpering, on the verge of tears, and the damn music just won’t stop. Baekhyun screams when the character screams, and then wails in terror as he watches the killer take out his first victim. Chanyeol tries to pull his arm back, and even snaps at Baekhyun to “man up.”

“You’re the one that wanted to watch the damn movie,” he scowls. He eventually takes pity on the petite boy when Baekhyun seems to start hyperventilating, and grudgingly gives the boy his arm again. Baekhyun spends the rest of the movie using Chanyeol’s arm to cover his eyes, occasionally asking Chanyeol to narrate to him what was happening on the screen.

Baekhyun is white as a ghost when the movie ends, and Chanyeol almost feels bad for agreeing to do this in the first place. He turns when he hears Baekhyun whispering his name.

“Chanyeol… you don’t think…” Baekhyun’s eyes are wide as he looks at Chanyeol, and then out of his window, where it’s dark and eerily quiet outside. He whimpers and buries his face in his hands.

Chanyeol sighs and reaches over to place a hand on the boy’s shoulder, resulting in Baekhyun screaming and crying even harder. “It was just a movie.”

“B-But what if…”

“It’s not real.” Baekhyun nods, but Chanyeol can still recognize the fear in the boy’s eyes.

That night, Baekhyun dreams of the killer from the movie; except the killer takes the form of the hooded figure that haunts his nightmares. This time, as he’s running towards the person calling his name, Baekhyun looks back to find the hooded man right behind him, reaching for his arm. The person at the end of the alley disappears, and the only person left is his pursuer. And as Baekhyun blinks away his tears and looks at the figure now in front of him, he finally gets a glimpse of the face under the hood. He falls back in shock as the face of the man morphs into a familiar one, and he lets out a sob as the truth of it all hits him.


* * *

The burial takes place on a Sunday. The only person that comes to say his last goodbyes to Byun Baekhyun is a stoic-face young boy with blonde hair. Chanyeol recalls Baekhyun telling him about his only friend, the quiet, awkward preteen next door who would offer him ice for his black eyes and a shoulder to cry on. Sehun.

He waits until Sehun leaves before he walks over. The picture on the gravestone shows a serious-faced teenager; a sad, young boy. The boy in the picture is not one Chanyeol is familiar with; the Baekhyun he knew was always smiling. He supposes that by the time he’d met Baekhyun, the boy had finally found something to be happy about.

There is no inscription beneath his picture. Only his name, and his birth and death dates.


Byun Baekhyun was only eighteen fucking years old. Chanyeol laughs sardonically, and then allows a single tear to escape for the boy who deserved everything, and got nothing. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a crumpled sheet of paper.

* * *

“Help me.”

Chanyeol crosses his arms and raises his eyebrows at the boy sitting on the ground, with his knees folded up towards his chest.

“Help me cross off all of the things on my list, and I promise I’ll go with you.”

“Or I can just take you now,” Chanyeol scoffs.

The boy shakes his head. “You and I both know that’s not how it works. I have to go willingly, or my spirit will never be at rest.” He looks up wearily at the daunting figure hovering above him. “Help me, and once it’s done, I’ll come with you. Willingly. Help me and my soul is yours.”

He snatches the paper from the boy’s hand and skims over the words.

Byun Baekhyun’s Bucket List
(To be done in order!)

1. Go to a drive-in movie
2. Learn how to ride a bike
3. Skinny dip
4. Jump of a cliff
5. Fall asleep looking at the night sky
6. Fall in love.

“Why in order?” Chanyeol asks, folding the sheet in half, and then in half again.

Baekhyun contemplates for a moment, and then shrugs. “Just ‘cause.”

Chanyeol narrows his eyes. “Why didn’t you offer the same to the others?”

“None of them asked me what I wanted…”

Chanyeol takes a moment to consider the boy in front of him before sighing, as if in defeat. “Get up, kid.”

Baekhyun jumps up. “So you’ll help me?” he asks, excitement shining through his eyes. “Really?”

“I help you do all of these things–”

“In the order they’re listed!”

Chanyeol growls, and Baekhyun shuts up. “As I was saying,” he sends Baekhyun a pointed look, “I help you do all of the stupid things on your silly little list, and the second we’re done, you come with me. Correct?”


“No tricks. No gimmicks.”

“Nope! As soon as everything on that list is crossed off, my soul is yours!”

Chanyeol narrows his eyes. “You seem a bit too eager to sign off your soul like that.”

Baekhyun shrugs. “So…do we have a deal?”

“Fine,” Chanyeol exhales again, “you’ve got yourself a deal.”

“Great!” Baekhyun claps his hands together. “I’m Baekhyun, by the way. Byun Baekhyun. What should I call you, Mr. Reaper?”


* * *

“Forbidden love…” Baekhyun looks down at his hands and frown. “But they’re still able to meet.”

Chanyeol nods. “On the seventh night of the seventh moon, every year.”


Chanyeol nods again. “It seems our lovers were able to meet tonight, after all.” When Baekhyun turns and gives him a questioning look, Chanyeol holds out his hand, palm side up. “No rain.”

He smiles.

“Forbidden love, huh?” Baekhyun sits up and turns his body to face Chanyeol. His face is serious as he looks at the man before him. “Do you think it’s possible to fall in love after only a few days?”

Chanyeol contemplates, and then shrugs. “It’s not unheard of…I don’t see why not.”

Baekhyun seems to accept his answer. He smiles and nods, and then holds out his hand. “Give me the list and your pen.” He waits for Chanyeol to fish the folded piece of paper he’s been carrying around for days out of his pocket, and then takes it and unfolds it excitedly.

“There’s still one thing we still haven’t been able to cross off,” Chanyeol says.

Baekhyun hums, makes a mark on the paper, folds it, and hands it back to Chanyeol.

Chanyeol looks down at the paper that is now back in his hands, and then up at the smiling brunet. He raises his brow, and then widens his eyes when Baekhyun leans over to plant a kiss on his lips.

“Thank you, Chanyeol.”

* * *

Chanyeol unfolds the paper in his hands and glances down at the words that have now begun to fade.

Byun Baekhyun’s Bucket List
(To be done in order!)

1. Go to a drive-in movie
2. Learn how to ride a bike
3. Skinny dip
4. Jump off a cliff
5. Fall asleep looking at the night sky
6. Fall in love.

“You idiot…” Chanyeol whispers, crushing the paper in his hand as he falls to his knees in front of the grave. His fingers reach up to brush across the unsmiling picture of Baekhyun, sliding them down the boy’s cheek.

And for the first time in his immortal life, Chanyeol sobs for love found, and for love lost.

Forbidden love.

For the first time, Chanyeol cries for Byun Baekhyun.